Each night as I am preparing to sleep I check in with one of my loved ones. I scan their body for spots of bother, and send some qi their way with the intention of healing and soothing. My hands heat up quite intensely, and a feeling of peace and affection and connection comes over me, no matter how far away I am from my darlings.
I am pleased that since one of my daughters has moved from an apartment in one city to another, the alarmed state of her immune system has begun to calm down. Another daughter is holding some tension in her forehead but her organs are clear and there is no pain in her limbs. My son has a flurry of unfocused activity in his brain, but otherwise the body is in order.
I had an interesting experience checking in with my mom this week. As I began to scan her body, it was like her current appearance fell away and revealed below my glowing hands was the mother I remember from my childhood, in incredible detail greater than our usual experience of another person, as though each beauty of her hair, her face and body were amplified the way a camera takes in details our physical eyes cannot. Her hair so hazelnut, the slant of her eyed and the softness of her lips; I could see each fold in the upper and lower lips exactly as I must have once while gazing up at her from her arms. I wish I could recall it again this moment; it was precious and moving and beautiful, every image of her incredible vivid and perfect body from crown to toes; the exact shape and colour of the ankles, feet, toes and toenails. Her hands, her excellent hands, which my siblings will agree were always fascinating in the way they moved, on the piano, in the kitchen, while speaking and gesticulating, or when stroking a child's hair. The plain gold band on her left hand; its width, colour and curvature; perfect.
I think this was the energy body, which I see as the scathless image of our adult selves; that which would be revealed by kirlian photography (if perfected) from the moment of conception; that which walks and breathes within us in expression of our highest possibility, no matter how decrepit or weary we become as time has its way; and no matter how our self-image is tinkered with and so often destroyed by societal norms or our own self-doubts, no matter how obscured by worldly concerns. This is the true self, the soul, the after-image that remains once our bodies are finished. I had been given a glimpse of my own mother's flawless soul.
For a moment I feared that I had checked in with my mother at the moment of her passing; why else would I be given this magical vision? Gradually, however, I was able to perceive her body in its current state: arthritic, breathless, with constant pain at the top of the spine and in the sacrum I could see her toenails grown thick and horny, her hands gnarly and stiff and red, and I was was strangely relieved that this meant my mother was still alive. A selfish comfort perhaps, having now glimpsed the freedom she will regain when she eventually sloughs off this frame like a dusty moth sheds its cocoon and rises to flutter towards the light.
The gift of intuition manifests for me in very visual and tactile ways; I seldom hear music, but I sometimes perceive or recall a scent quite vividly. It is easy for me to perceive disturbances in the physical body or in the emotions of another person; I have taken to Reiki and other hands-on healing like a captive otter returned to flowing water after a strange, pallid, painful and arid life on land. When I am praying, creating, or healing, I am immersed in the stream of life from which all comfort and inspiration flow. It is altogether delightful; a pleasure; an opportunity to simply BE.